Thinking, Thinking, and A Little Bit More Thinking!

Good lord. This weekend has been hectic. So much has happened... I think Ill start with Thursday though. So on Thursday, my friend Tiffany and my other friend Crista were ahead of me; we were all walking to first period together. Well I ran to catch up to them and Tiffany was like "Wow! That's the first time I've ever seen you run!" [that being said as a fat joke.] Obviously, that irritated me but I ignored it, and by the end of first period I had gotten over it. Well, later that day at lunch, I was trying to tell my friend Dave about this special Ed kid who ran up to me one day and held my hand. Well Tiffany comes over and is like "Oh! You're talking about yourself again?!" And I got pissed off and walked away. Well, on Friday... Hmm, lets just say Friday was not a good day for me. I was running late to school, to start with. On top of that, I grabbed my phone and out of habit, I checked to see if I had messages. I had a couple of messages that were sent at 11:36PM on Thursday night from my best friend in Canada saying he was deleting kik, and if I wanted his number, I'd have to ask within the next hour. Well I started freaking out and I was like "noooooo!" So I began stressing over that. I got to school and saw Crista, Tiffany and another girl, and Tiffany was telling the other girl how she called me special Ed the day before. I gave her the dirtiest look I possibly could. She was all like, "I am getting the evil eye..." I was like, "Yeah, I'm getting fucking tired of the things that come out of your fucking mouth Tiffany. TWICE, twice yesterday you said some pretty hurtful things, and I'm getting tired of it." Her reply? "I like your necklace!" My reply? "Fuck you." And I stormed off. I got into a building at our school and her best friend / sister was like "Sam are you okay?" I said "No, I'm fucking pissed off at your sister." She asked why and I told her what she said yesterday about me running for the first time. Her sister was like getting up in Tiffany's face and scolding her, and ugh. Long story short, I went home for lunch because I didn't want to be around her. Then school got out and my mom wasnt there to pick me up so I was freaking out, and apparently my grandpa had arrived early from Montana. Not a whole lot happened for the rest of the night. Today though... Everything was fine until my mom starting talking about how my dad won't go to Oregon with us... And that started a huge talking session, and here's where the title I picked comes from. Some advice to those who have problems, like mental problems, [and this is coming from things my grandpa told my mother and i] you have to find yourself, before you can help anyone else. And some advice from me? Take my grandpa's advice.

What Happened to Our Family?

 I feel alone.

   Now, most families enjoy spending time together. Not my family. My typical day goes like... School. Home. Father leaves. Mother and I are happy. Now please tell me this isn't normal? I guess I should start way back a few years ago. 2009 I think. My mother had started getting problems with her foot. And being a mail carrier, having a bad foot doesn't exactly go down well... So, she retired at 44? 45 maybe? Around there. Not sure. That's when my father started... well, he started acting like a jerk, saying this in a lack of a better definition. So, she gets a certain amount of money per month, and as the years have gone on, it's decreased. My father got fired last October. Ever since then, he acts like he's a 21 year old. This meaning, at LEAST once a week he goes to the Casino to gamble. Blows, A LOT of money. You'd think he'd want to spend time with people who actually love him, but no, money is better. This angers me deeply because whenever my mother and I buy something, he comes up with a smart ass remark like, "You're blowing all our money again." Like... Really? You can't say that when you waste all your fucking money on the Casino. This isn't all he does, an example of bullying, well I don't think you need to know an example, I think we've all been bullied once or twice at least. But it really fucking hurts when your own FATHER does it. Like one time, I was eating a pop tart and doing my homework [keep in mind I'm overweight, but then again my whole family is.] and he was like "That's a good way to keep your figure." I looked at him thinking, 'are you fucking kidding me right now?' and I replied with "Ha, you out of all people are going to say that to me. Very sweet." Do your parents do that? Well they might, but the majority of parents don't bully their own children. And what REALLY ticks me off is that no one is supposed to judge anyone, and my father judges everyone as if he's God's perfect gift. 

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm reaching a breaking point and I don't know what to do about it. If you read this, thank you. <3 I don't think anyone actually just but whatever. Excuse my language. <3

-Sammi